True Commitments and True Victories
The book "From Victim To Victory Book Series; Book 1: Core Principles A Leadership Journey" written by Sascha Gorokhoff is available at every bookstore, online and offline. Here is the Amazon US link
In today's Masterclass, Sascha is addressing the following questions:
There are discrepancies in the world, where too many people have taken without giving in return.
Discrimination against Sascha when he was a kid at school.
Feeling bad because we live in a world where there is this idea of where there is a winner, there is a loser.
It dawned on Sascha at a very young age that it doesn't have to be that way.
Differently-able instead of dis-abled.
If we become conscious of what we want AND what other people want, we can make choices to make a lot of people satisfied and happy, so that your win is a contribution to others. Everybody is better off because more people are uplifted, happy, joyful.
Question: as a true victory is getting everybody to win and be better off, and your mother made your life miserable and did put you in a constant losing position, it was not a true victory with your mother? was it?
Answer: with certain mental conditions, such as narcissism, it's impossible to get everybody to be victorious. You can have compassion and empathy toward them, even if you don't love them (which is OK). You can still give that person what she wants - at least a little bit -
If you are better off, you can better uplift everyone else. You should never lose yourself in trying to satisfy the wishes and desires of a narcissistic person because you're never going to succeed as it's all about them only.
If you take leadership as an example. "How can I be victorious and at the same time help others up?"
We are living in a society with such disparities because people are trying to win for themselves, not for the people around them.
Just with your words, you can inspire and uplift people. Already with that, you change somebody's life.
Question: with all that you have gone through, what is the turning point, the shift between what you are suffering that is being thrown at you and taking back the power and redirecting the whole situation to benefit everybody concerned?
Answer: At a very young age - about 6 years old - I realized that other people's words or opinions don't say anything about me. They don't know me, they have not tried to figure out what it is to live in my position or perspective. They have preconceived notions. Based on that, I was excluded mostly. And I realized that because of their misunderstanding of my disability, because of their fear, their jealousy, or anything else about them that they criticized me and isolated me. This has nothing to do with me but only with their perception of what I represent to them according to their preconceived notions of disability and other things.
Then why not make the choice to be happy and to succeed in every way, to go above and beyond what everyone thought possible. By choosing this true victory position, I became an inspiration for the many. I started to ask myself "What can I do about it?" and my answer was that I could do everything I would put my mind to, and do it differently to go around my limitations. This is how I became an inspiration. I was not looking for that, but I was looking to be all that I can be and to reach my hand to anybody who would need it and uplift them as well.
What is coming at me is not me. My choice is to not accept it, and not make it my identity.
It's like the rain: the rain is coming at you, but are you the rain? no. Shift your attitude and consider the rain as the greatest thing on the planet and have fun with it.
Listening to some sort of criticism, and asking yourself if they have a point, is a good way of improving yourself IF they have a point. But you are in control, you have the choice about what you take on and what you leave off of you.
Question: What is your coping mechanism?
Answer: It's a question of choice. It is the moment you use the words I AM, you are taking on an identity. And you have to constantly remind yourself, even if you are standing in the middle of the storm, that you are not the storm. You have the choice to experience the storm as it is, without changing your identity.
My body is in pain, my arm is in pain, but I am not the pain. The pain doesn't define me. My spouse hurt me, but do not take it on.
Question: With all these different languages that you speak, as in French, I'm in pain is literally translated by "I have pain" and in German, it's literally translated by "that hurts"; did it help you take a step back from the pain and not mix your identity with the pain by saying I AM in pain?
Answer: Not really. What was really important for me was to ask myself "What is really important for me?". When you are young, choices are made for you, because you don't know the consequences of your choices. But when we become adults, we keep on letting other people make choices for us, and we complain about those choices, but it's actually us who have accepted those choices in the first place, as being true. And as we are the ones who accepted it, we are the ones who can do something about it to change it.
Somebody can tell you all day long "You are a genius", if you don't believe it, it will do no good to you. It starts with you saying "I" even unconsciously. And sometimes, we are so much engrossed in our stories that we don't take the time to take a step back and observe what is really going on, and what identity we have taken on by asking ourselves: "Where is that coming from?" And it's important that we take these moments of meditation or reflection where we ask ourselves whether what we believe to be true is actually true for us.
As an example, would you go to Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles, in an expensive store, buy the most hideous jacket in your opinion, and put it on? Or if you would receive it, would you put it on if it is the most hideous jacket in your opinion because this is what you have been taught: to take it on, to take it on, to take it on. But you are still the one wearing this jacket. Put it away, burn it down, give it away, sell it, or do whatever you can to get rid of it if it is the most hideous jacket you've ever seen.
But too often we keep on wearing these hideous jackets until our body breaks down through death, heart attack, illness, or anything else where the body breaks. And this happens only because we've been carrying these identities for too long and it didn't fit us at all, and we still managed to make ourselves fit it instead of it fit us.
And we didn't even stop - in this example - to take a step back and say to ourselves: "Wait for a second, I don't even like this jacket and what it represents. I think it's awful. It doesn't fit me. It's too heavy."
You always have the choice to say: "God, Universe - whatever you call the Higher Spiritual Power - I send it back to you. That's not me." Then, you have the choice to say: "I AM that. I'm giving you that which I AM NOT, and I AM that." (of course, you change "that" for whatever is true to you now)
That is your choice. And for that, you have to have a commitment with yourself that at least once a day, you sit down and you feel or sense what is true for you, what you are carrying, what has been dumped on you. You know exactly what it is, as you are able to feel yourself and figure out what you may have unconsciously taken on that you shouldn't have as it was not your chosen identity.
A commitment is empowering yourself, and in terms of true victories, it's empowering others.
Question: How did you use affirmations, as there are these 4 "true victories commitments" at the end of each core principle that are all affirmations. Did you use affirmations on yourself?
Answer: Yes. All that I talk about in my book are real-life tested solutions. I have helped hundreds and hundreds of people throughout my life. I'm only 42 years old and I've done way more than everyone would have thought possible.
And affirmations as I wrote them in my book are a commitment you are making with yourself. It is a belief. In the beginning, it may feel weird and wrong to you when you start a new set of affirmations, but the more you repeat them, the more it becomes true to you, it sinks in and becomes part of your identity.
You want to write something down that you are committed to. As our brain is plastic, over time it rebuilds itself and creates new neuropathways. This is why you use affirmations, to make sure that the new neuropathways of your brain take into account what you choose to be that you have written down and that you repeat to yourself every day, two to three times a day.
A commitment is an engagement toward what I dedicated myself to, not something that others told me I should be, do or have, but something I deliberately choose to believe and to be.
Your commitments are to be kept for yourself. Why? Because they are about YOU, they are not about anybody else. Some people might come along, and you would trust them enough to share your commitment, and they might answer "I don't see it". And that says a lot about these people, not about you. But if you start going down a depressing spiral that would go, as an example: "Ah, they don't it; so maybe I'm delusional, maybe I'm a dreamer, maybe it's wishful thinking, maybe it doesn't work... and maybe they're right." you just made all these things they said about you when it was only about them only, and you took them on. As a consequence, you're demoralized, you're depressed, and you let it go. This is why so many people let go of their dreams. This is why you should keep your commitments to yourself exclusively and go about your day. Because even the most loving people could not see it because of their own experience.
Everybody sees things from their own perspective, from their own background, from their own point of view, which may not fit your perspective, your point of view, your wish fulfilled, or whatever you imagine being true for yourself.
Imagine that these affirmations are like a contract. When you receive a contract and you put your signature underneath it, you are committed to the terms of the contract. These affirmations, this commitment is like a contract that you are making with yourself and that you put your signature on. This is what you choose to experience and how you choose to behave as a consequence.
I'm committed to my dreams, I'm committed to my wishes, I'm committed to these desires, and this is great. With this commitment and this engagement, you go to work every single day, as you signed it, and you know why you are going to work: you see your career advancing bigger and bigger, with your salary as well. And you do the same because if you give up and you quit after the first day, you haven't achieved anything in your job, and you didn't give it a chance to see if it would lead you on the path you had chosen when you signed it at the first place.
I'm engaged to my dream, to my vision, to what I want. I'm going to read and to feel to be true even if it has not manifested yet, as I recommit to it every day.
Question: You read affirmations for months and then, after 3 or 4 months, you start doing something about it. It is as if it first has to come in you before it germinates and then can come from you. How do you understand that?
Answer: Ok, you have written your life story, your affirmations, your commitments toward yourself. Now, you may not know how to implement what you are affirming to be true - and the how is really not your problem if you look at quantum physics and the law of attraction - but the more you repeat it and you feel it to be true, the more the ideas come to you, the more it will dawn on you what you have not done yet, or what you should be doing. The more you're affirming your commitments, the more you are inching toward it. It's like a job: After a week or a day, you may not have achieved big things, right? But after a while, you come up with ideas, systems about how to make it better, and how to make it work for you.